The Dentist Scares Me

toothless smile - Photo Credit: Jamieanne via Flickr Creative Commons

I was thinking I’d do a little “Stream of Consciousness Sunday” (SOC) writing today (even though it’s Monday) because last week I had so much fun doing it.

But today’s prompt (it was actually yesterday, but that’s just nit-picky) was:

How has the internet changed your life – professionally and/or personally?

And I had so many things to say about this but they all seemed so, I don’t know, clichéd.  Thoughts such as – I’m finally connected with friends from the past.  I stay connected to friends in the present more easily.  My business has grown and grown.

I’m more organized.

I appear smarter.

And I don’t feel like I need to get my pictures developed anymore.

But really, the internet has changed my life because it gives me the medium to tell you this story.

I was totally freaked out about a dentist appointment today.  I mean I was scared.  Really scared.  I had to have a procedure re-done and the first time it hurt like a M—er F—er.  So yeah, I made a pretty big deal about it.

I told Superman and then made him feel bad because he wasn’t going to be here for me.

I told my mother because it was Mother’s Day yesterday and well, what mother doesn’t want to feel needed on Mother’s Day?  So I told her my woes and she said, “Now, now Kirsten, it will be okay.  Do you want me to delay my trip home?”

“No”, I replied, “That’s okay.”  But secretly I was glad she asked.

I told my kids, “Now if I’m sleeping when you get home DON’T WAKE ME UP because I’m having “that procedure” and I might be on pain medicine.

I called my neighbors and arranged rides for the kids because I might be on pain meds and can’t drive.

I told my sister.  Twice.

I told my Dad and my Step-mom.  Twice.

And I told myself over and over again…

You can do this.
Be brave.
It’ll be over before you know it.
Just think, you can come home, take a Vicodin and just sleep the rest of the day.
And you can have What Not To Wear and A Baby Story on in the background while you rest.
So be brave and keep you eye on the finish line.

So I did.  I did it!  I went to the dentist.

And they told me I had the wrong day and they’ll see me in a month.

So what should I do with my day?  (And don’t say weeding!)

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post.
No proofreading or spell checking.
This is writing in the raw.
Stream of Consciouness Sunday

And the verdict is…. (yeah me!)

The million dollar question finally gets answered

Do you remember The Million Dollar Question?  The question of my hearing and whether or not my kids mumble or whether I truly cannot hear.

Guess what?

I win!  I win! I win! I win! I win! I win!  I win!  I win!  I win!  I win!I win! I win! I win! I win!

The long and short of it is “yes” I do have slight hearing loss.  And yes, that exact hearing loss means I really DO have a difficult time hearing when there is background noise (like the mall, the car, restaurants, schools, when the TV or radio is on, pretty much anywhere I am and everything I do…)

And then my doctor said one thing that made my heart sing and one that made it sink.

#1: “There is NO reason you can’t hear your kids.”

#2: “Hearing aids won’t help.”

I hate to admit it but for some crazy reason I actually kinda sorta wanted hearing aids.   But then again this could be wishful thinking because I also wanted braces and glasses as a kid.  (Can you believe Wiki-how actually has directions for this?)  And I’m not alone – I’ve seen Lil’ Sport do this too. 

So yes, I win the argument (“Is it me, or is it you?”) but I don’t win overall because I still find myself saying, “What?  I can’t hear you.”

*sigh, double sigh*

I found my voice today

For 15 years I’ve had a scraggly voice.  Not all the time, but most of the time.  It started when I was teaching aerobics back before microphones.  This was when we wore thong leotards (good lord!), with micro tight leggings or shorts underneath.  But it was after the leg warmer era.

I used to have to YELL my cues over the music to the back row.  After years of this I strained my vocal chords beyond repair.  If singing was important to me perhaps I would have done something about it.  But I’ve never been known for my vocal prowress so I just went on with my life figuring I was destined to a life of throat clearing, and otherwise sounding…

Like my mom…
(who’s awesome by the way, but even she would agree her voice gets scraggly too.)

I’ve wondered too about the hidden meaning behind my scraggly voice.  I’ve done a ton of energy work around it, had intuitive readings, etc.  Maybe my vocal chords aren’t damaged at all.  Or maybe they are but there’s a bigger meaning behind it.  Is it a struggle between my head and my heart?  Am I not “speaking my truth”.  Maybe I’m lying; to myself, to others, not intentionally, more with my being.  What IS going on?

I found my voice today and I think it has to do with what I’m writing here.  Not editing who I am, no skirting the issues, just putting it out there.

It’s my place to let it all hang out.

And my voice was clear as a bell today.